


Courage of the Stars

by amarihya



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Falling In Love, Hurt/Comfort, Immortality, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Magnus reminiscing about the past, POV Magnus Bane, Short & Sweet, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-30 16:32:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15100700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amarihya/pseuds/amarihya
Summary: Living hundreds of years was not something that left one unaffected- even Magnus was not immun to the tedium. But little did he know about the adventures that await him when he first met Alec.





	Courage of the Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone who found this little story. Please note that English is not my first language Criticism is, of course, always appreaciated- as long as it is constructive ;) This story will consist of a recollection of Malec-Moments from Magnus' POV. Enjoy!

#  Collecting the Stars

He always loved the stars. They were just a constant force far up in the sky shining down on him in all their glory. So beautiful, yet so untouchable. They were _like_ him, only slowly changing if changing at all. He still could remember their constellation from when he was a child. The Great Wagon, Cassiopeia, Pegasus. For the trained eye they might seem hidden, but he had studied them for so long and closely that he could still see them if he closed his eyes. Sometimes, they even followed him into his sleep. And those were they best days. Looking at the stars and dreaming about them and all their possibilities was something he never ever wanted to get weary of. Because he got weary of so many things.

First came the memories. They faded slowly and before he could realize it they were lost, and he could not quite get a grip on them again. It had taken some years of commemorating and cherishing every single reminiscence but eventually they got just so much that he had to forget something, even though he could never quite choose what. Sometimes memories of vacations or parties got lost and he really did not care much about them but on other rare occasions he lost memories that were significant to him and shaped him. Sometimes he forgot the voice of the first person he loved, forgot how his third lover kissed him or how they made love to each other. Sometimes he just forgot the way he loved _them_ \- did he really?

All his experiences he wanted to hold dear seemed as if- after some time- they weren’t his to hold anymore. When his first memory of a loved one slipped out of his reach he was devastated, but he tried again. He tried again and again and in the end he even grew weary of that, because at some time, he just got used to it. And getting used to love was the utmost terrible and devastating thing that had ever happened to him. One should never, ever get used to love and if one does- he only could pray that there were other things worth living for. Being immortal had its silver lining, but it also had its drawbacks and losing memories of the people you loved, dearly, was something that he would never really get used to. He tried his best but sometimes the weariness of it all seized him like a butterfly was captured in a glass. Wanting to escape, seeing the other side but still being not quite able to break through. Life felt like that, sometimes.

The world around him was constantly evolving in a never ending continuous progression, ephemeral like a dying star, trying to bend everything to its will one last time before going down in sparks like a firework, rebelling against the inevitability of death which every mortal being was doomed to meet. Seeing a star die was the most unique and memorable experience. Fading, so slowly, burning out life itself. Oh, life. Life was just so precious. Sometimes when he was looking down- not up like always but down- and the people were passing by he envied them. Talking to each other, so joyful and elated with all their sorrows and hopes and so, _so_ limited memories knowing fully well that their time would come one day but caring nothing about it.

He had seen them all- every age and height and personality, every dreamer and worker and child and lover- and they all looked the same. From far up on the balcony- no matter on which continent or in which place precisely or even at which time: even though they seemed different, _wanting_ to be different even, they all looked the same after a while. It made his heart ache, a little bit. It had taken him some time accepting this fate, accepting that no matter whom he met they eventually would fade. But a fading man was nothing like a shooting star. A fading man was hurting him, each time a little more. Everyone he had loved, guarded- no matter at what costs- and let into his heart, they all eventually left. And he always was the one burying them and bidding his farewell. He never wanted to say goodbye again. His heart could only bear so much.

So, he stopped. He stopped falling for people when he reached his 700th birthday. It was not easy at first because people were so special- so different. Even in a vast sea of mortals he still would not find one that was exactly like the others. And no matter their lifespan or destiny, they always- _always_ \- tried their best even with their limited possibilities. And there once had been a time where that had been inspiring to him. But his inspiration for life was drained and now, there was only so little left that he yearned for every moment of it. For even a little spark. And that was why he loved the night skies filled with stars.

For sometimes, when the sky was really, really clear at night and the stars started glimmering in their effervescent and so distinct opalescence down on all of humanity, Magnus really thought something beautiful _could_ happen again. Once in a blue moon there just was something in the air, inexplicable but so auspicious as if the stars themselves wanted to show him the way- far across the universe and beyond. Reaching out like they were trying to save him from his immortal monotonous tedium by guiding him towards his fate he was never quite able to reach till now. Oh yes, it really _was_ special. This moment. As he looked up once more he really thought that something would happen. That the mechanisms were already in progress, everlasting, perpetually and destined to reach their bourn. Yes, sometimes in the future this would happen- had to happen- eventually. Whatever _it_ would be.

Little did he know- while gazing upon the night sky- that in the not too distant future something would change. Because he would meet this one person the universe had always been leading him to, slowly but steady like a river. And then his search would be finally over. He could not wait one more day. the universe had waited all those years to lead him to. And it would be just like now. No, it would be even better: because then it would be perfect.

 


End file.
